Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
