If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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