I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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