im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
