apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
