Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize