He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
