I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
