Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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