Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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