TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
