I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
