were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
