btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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