Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
