Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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