i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
