first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
