It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
