wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
