I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
