listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
