those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
