I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
