Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
