On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need to calm my uterus...
my liver is dry heaving
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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