I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
