I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
