she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
