so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
