Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
