omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
