Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
