i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
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Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
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Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize