EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize