it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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