Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
