I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
