I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
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I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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