i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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