so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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