she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
