Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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