I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
