oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
