Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
