dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
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I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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