Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
