i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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