Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
