I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
