Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
