Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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