After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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