She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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