I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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