whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
