I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so letβs just shut it down right now
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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