I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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