Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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