fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
