Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
