Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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