She said her name was "party"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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