Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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