What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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