so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
