Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
