I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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