I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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