dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
