How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
