He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
