shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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