The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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