I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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