oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
