I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
