alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
