Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
