The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
