I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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