Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
