My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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