Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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