Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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