Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
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I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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