The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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