So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
