I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
