the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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